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Has been a few days since posting..

Have been on a huge emotional rollercoaster..

The evenings are the worst... some days are better than others... wish I could rip my heart out so I stop feeling anything..

Then other times.. I feel nothing..

Then angry and jealous.. and I just want to scream!!!

But, other than all of the above.. I keep working each day.. Pray a lot.!!

I saw the lawyer yesterday..... all his plans of leaving have been put on hold...!! The expense of a divorce.. well let's just say!! NO WAY IN HELL!!! could he pay for one! or actually afford taking care of the boys for that matter!

He swears he isn't seeing his gal friend.. but after his screw up a week ago.. he has realized that his absolute horrible behavior has been hugely detrimental to his children.. Not to mention the wallet.  I CUT HIM OFF!!!!

Lawyer has confirmed most of what I knew.. Except... how expensive it will be.. wow.. I have my hubby by the balls... and yes.. they are in a vise!! haha!! 

So as you can guess.. nothing can be done..

We are cohabitating.. as well as we (I) can! 

I just DO NOT trust him anymore.. He is an alien from another planet.. Some evil spirit has taken over my husband.. The man I have known for over 24 years and replaced him with a dispicable human being.. (heartless and careless)

I believe his mother called him and blasted him on what a total ass he has been!! He has actually been a nicer person.. and not humiliating me anymore.. but for how long... who knows...!!

I am so confused.. do I try and make it work.. I have laid my marriage in Gods hands.. because.. I really have no control...

The things I am certain of are:  I am taking care of myself.. my boys ... my job.. my home... etc...!!!!!

I am going out now.. having fun with friends and family.. NOT considering him at the moment.. Do not worry.. about what he will think!!

Going to see a live band on Saturday..with all my gal friends.. That will be a blast!!

The band is called 'Marshall Creek Band' one of my teacher friend's husband is in the band!

Here is their facebook: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Marshall-Creek-Band/320415136336?v=app_2405167945

Looking forward in letting my hair down.. and having a good ole time!!

Will let you know how it goes!

Have an overdue therapy session on Thursday.. I had to wait a whole blasted month to get it!! HOLY CRAP!!! I can't do that again!!!

Here is a vid.. that had me cryin like a baby.... so unless you wanna have a good ole sob.. DO NOT WATCH!!

Weather has finally started warming up!! Bless you all!! Hope you all are well... and I am off to cry me a river!! haha!! JUST KIDDING!! maybe a stream!!!


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 16th, 2011 01:35 am (UTC)
Have you talked to legal aide? They have low cost legal help for family law most places. May not be perfect but they might be able to help
Feb. 16th, 2011 02:28 am (UTC)
that's my next step.. I am just having trouble getting past the emotional part...!!
The worst part.. is, we have such passion for each other.. kinda nutter I know.. that is the reason.. I believe he still hasn't gone.. and I haven't thrown his butt out!!
I just do not know what to do at the moment!
If we didn't have such great passion.. I know I would have kicked him to the curb!
Also, reason, I do not think he has actually slept with the gal pal..

lord have mercy.. I am just a mess at the moment!!

Thanks for all the support!! hugs!!
Feb. 16th, 2011 02:34 am (UTC)
Sweetheart, I'm a 3 time winner. I actually did love all of them at some point. The last one was a shock when it ended, we'd been doing better than we had the 13 years before that. So I really do understand. I wish there was a way to make it easier and better for you, I know there isn't. (((hugs))
Feb. 16th, 2011 06:39 am (UTC)
I'm not sure if your state has it or not, but a lot of student lawyers will take on a case for free to get working hours, etc. You might want to call the state bar and ask them and they'll help you find someone you can afford and get the legal help for free OR call your nearest law school.
Feb. 16th, 2011 08:31 pm (UTC)
This state you are in is very stressing and confusing, yes. All distastefully expensive - believe me, I know. Here we say that you only open a door at a lawyer´s office and you are charged with 5.000 CZK. Bastards. But you need them...
Well, dear, make the most of the concert, and hold on!
Feb. 18th, 2011 10:55 am (UTC)
Just wanted to second what nverland said. Hopefully there will be some kind of low-cost legal services in your area that can help you. In any case hang in there; going out with your friends sounds like a perfect thing to do. *hugs*
Feb. 19th, 2011 01:11 pm (UTC)
*hugs* honey. It sounds like a really confusing situation. Have some fun with your friends and maybe let the situation ride for a while and see what happens. Take care of yourself and the boys and let the rest sit!
Feb. 19th, 2011 02:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much for being supportive!
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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